Friendship is an opportunity to love, to learn about yourself, to mature as a human being, and to open up to the full experience of life. To seek true friendship, you must have the courage to risk all that you are. You must have the courage to walk through your fear of emotional intimacy and let another person know who you really are on the inside. On a very practical level, you must be willing to invest the necessary time and effort to develop, nourish, and maintain the bonds of a strong relationship.
Here is what you have to do if you want to turn an aquaintance into a friend and a friend into a close friend. The eight key qualities you must demonstrate are: priority, self-disclosure, touch, affection, loyalty, independence, acceptance, and willingness to change. Friends take time. You have to call them, and make the effort to be with them. You have to be willing to let them get to know you and it has to go deeper than just the superficial stuff. You have to respect them enough to allow for disagreement in your relationship, and allow your friend the freedom to be different from you without censure.
A friend has to be important enough for you to make a significant space for them in your life and in your heart.
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With words and touch you have to tell your friend that you care. You have to be willing to stand by your friend through thick and thin. Maintaining a True Friendship Making friends for a lot of us comes naturally, but maintaining these friendships may become somewhat difficult. This is because true friendship cannot survive without these three aspects: Love, Respect and Honesty.
If any of these aspects are lacking in the friendship, it will slowly disintegrate. True friendship needs equal shares of love, respect and honesty.
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Therefore, to maintain true friendship, you need the whole package, just not apart of it. Love is naturally a part of any relationship. In a friendship, love can mean so many things.
It means being there when your friend needs you, no matter what the circumstances may be. Love ties in to respect, which is another important part of true friendship. Friends usually earn this respect by showing how much they love and care for eachother. But respect is also giving eachother personal space and knowing when to back off if they invaded in that space.
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Also respecting eachothers opinions, even though they might not be the same as yours. Standing behind your friend when they are facing a problem caused by another person or situation also shows respect for eachother. Honesty is a fragile aspect of true friendship. It can easily make or break a relationship. Honesty means to be yourself, do not pretend to be someone else. Your friend will love you for who you are. Tell your friend the secret as soon as you can and they will respect you even more for being so honest. On the other hand, they can inhibit the open expression of new ideas just because those ideas go against the grain.
If we want to encourage more honesty, one thing that would help is more tolerance of those different from what we're accustomed to. A common tradeoff in efforts to build a movement is between having widespread appeal by focusing on relatively mainstream topics, versus promoting the messages that are actually most important to get across. Say you think risks of future computational suffering are most important to make progress against, but you think they sound weird to most people.
In order to maintain high status and attract lots of followers, you talk mostly about topics that are more widely known, like robots displacing human jobs and risks of superintelligence causing human extinction. You think it's important to first make a name for yourself as an organization and later on begin to introduce some of your more radical ideas. I typically see movement-builders side for appearing mainstream at the beginning, with the intention to eventually introduce more unusual ideas down the road. Given that many people apparently pursue this approach, the evidence from peer beliefs seems to push in its favor.
However, at an object level, I much prefer being up front and focusing on the ideas that matter more to me, without worrying about how they'll be perceived.
The Value of Friendship | Glenora Registered Psychologists
Some of the reasons for this parallel arguments for honesty in general in this piece. Here are a few particular criticisms of appearing mainstream:. Ghostwriting is the norm for books and speeches by politicians, celebrities, and executives.
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It's also somewhat common in other situations as well. Whether ghostwriting is seen as permissible varies by context. For example, ghostwriting is frowned upon in an academic setting:. Here, we do expect the named author to actually be the author. If an author is not really the original author, that system is rendered meaningless. Most commentators I've read seem to consider ghostwriting acceptable if and only if it's relatively transparent to readers that the piece has been ghostwritten.
For example, most people realize that politicians don't write their own speeches, so there's no deception involved in ghostwriting there. People seem to differ on whether they think ghostwriting is wrong:. We asked blog readers about the permissibility of having a PR person draft blog content on behalf of the executive without disclosure. We also noted that, in this scenario, the original ideas came from the executive and he or she reviewed, edited and gave final approval of the content.
The survey results showed that corporate blog readers were split in their opinions about whether this level of PR support without disclosure was acceptable. I prefer to give credit for authorship liberally, especially since this gives authors more of a stake in the content and helps "a thousand flowers bloom" by letting other people establish themselves as writers and public intellectuals in their own right. I like this quote from Ralph Nader: "the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.
A counterargument to this is that there can be increasing marginal returns to fame: The more famous you are, the more other media outlets want to invite you on, and thus, fame snowballs. Likewise, if you've had a successful first book, perhaps it's easier to market your second book. This is an interesting argument worth exploring further, but it seems plausible that the same effect could be true for a cause and not just for a person. For example, if one person talks about an issue, then media outlets and publishers are more willing to have someone else address the same issue, and the issue snowballs in notability.
It's not obvious that this snowball effect is stronger when it's just one person championing the cause. Indeed, having more independent voices may diminish the impression that the cause is a cult with a single crackpot leader. In defense of ghostwriting, one could argue that lots of other people use ghostwriting too, and one has to pick one's battles. Maybe opposing ghostwriting is not the most important battle to fight.
Many of the observations in this essay are unoriginal and have their origins in the wisdom of many past generations. More proximately, Eliezer Yudkowsky and Carl Shulman both made a big difference to my views on honesty. Present-day polygraphs are widely criticized as insufficiently accurate to be useful, though these criticisms center around using the test as a decisive criterion rather than as just more Bayesian evidence.
Some studies suggest that polygraphs are pretty accurate :. Probably the most comprehensive look at polygraph accuracy is a report from the National Academy of Sciences.
http://bbmpay.veritrans.co.id/conocer-gente-separada-en-el-montmell.php And despite the criticism, polygraphs are routinely employed in law enforcement and intelligence. While polygraphs are not widely used among civilians today, lie-detection technology should become significantly more advanced in the coming decades. In principle, certain techniques like fMRI lie detection should be able to become extremely accurate:. While a polygraph detects changes in activity in the peripheral nervous system, fMRI has the potential to catch the lie at the 'source'. Ganis Studies have been done on Chinese individuals and their language and cultural differences did not change results.
To show the robustness of this fMRI technology, a study S. Once lie detectors reach very high levels of accuracy, will they be widely used? Quite possibly not. Maybe people will object on privacy grounds. Maybe there will be a "right to lie" movement that considers lie detectors an invasion of human rights.